My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
