i think my tv is drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
