and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
