Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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