she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
