honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its liver damage thursday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
