It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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