Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
