I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
