Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
