Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
