Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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