i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is the high leading the old right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
