Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
