Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
