he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
