My liver just broke up with me...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
