We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
