Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
