Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
