i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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