I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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