i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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