if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
