Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
