Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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