So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Randomize
