you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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