Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize