there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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