i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
