your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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