I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
