dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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