your thong is hanging out like whoa
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
