i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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