If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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