I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize