i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
