I'm jealous of your bromance
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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