so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
