guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
