Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
