she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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