Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
