Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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