singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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