hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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