apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
