I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
