If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
