there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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