sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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