i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize