this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
