i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
