I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
