there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
