That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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