i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
