ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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