That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
