Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
