Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
