You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize