I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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