I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm like, not good at living.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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