On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
