one might say we're banned from that church
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
