I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
