hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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