Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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