So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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