the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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