If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
