just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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