dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
