I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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