after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
