I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
