I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
