On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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