Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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