she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
