I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
