Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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