your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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