i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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