remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
