I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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