and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
