Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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