Nicole vs. Life
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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