I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
