whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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