He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These tits shall not be calmed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
